Weasley Wheezes
by Skankles
Summary: Ron is trying to relax by taking a hot bath in the Prefects bathroom when Moaning Myrtle and Hermione interrupt.
Ron was in his 6th year of Hogwarts, a Prefect and Keeper of the Gryffindor Quidditch team. He'd spent a long afternoon at Quidditch practice and was completely drenched and exhausted. He decided he deserved a long warm bath in the Prefect bathroom to relax and get some peace from his vivacious girlfriend Lavender.

He trudged to the entrance on the 5th floor. He stood to the left of Boris the Bewildered and whispered the password 'pine fresh'. He entered and turned on all the taps. He needed relief stat, he didn't even care if the lavender scented tap contributed. He slid his dirty clothes off into a neat pile as the gigantic bath slowly filled. He slipped into the water and turned the taps off when the bath was full. Finally he could relax. Harry had them trying a new attacking manoeuvre which Ron found extremely difficult to block; Slytherin didn't stand a chance next match.

His quiet thoughts were short lived as Ron felt as if he was being watched. He looked up to the mermaid in the window and saw a pair of bespectacled eyes staring at him.

'Oh c'mon, can't a man have a bath in peace?' asked an exasperated Ron.

Slowly the figure emerged from the darkness floating in the air.

'Well when people keep using your bathroom to let off Weasley Wizard Wheezes then you'd retreat here too' replied a whiney female voice.

Ron remembered back to what Harry had described when he had a bath in this very bathroom two years prior during the Triwizard Tournament when Moaning Myrtle had revealed herself and helped him figure out the second Triwizard clue.

'Look Myrtle I mean no offense but I've had a long day and I just really want to chill out'

Myrtle was now sitting on the opposite edge of the swimming pool sized bath with her legs poking in.

'Maybe I could help you relax Won Won', giggled Myrtle glancing cheekily at Ron over her glasses.

Ron groaned 'Oh no, not you too. I came here to escape annoying girls'.

Myrtle's eyes went wide 'Well if that's what you wanted why didn't you say so?!' she yelled as she flew high in the air and plunged right into the center of the bath sending up a huge splash.

A minute of silence passed before Ron let out a huge sigh of relief. He figured he was finally truly by himself. He lent against the edge of the bath and closed his eyes. His thoughts swirled around him. He liked aspects of Lavender but she wanted to be with him all the time, called him embarrassing pet names and didn't take Quidditch seriously. At least she knew how he liked his manhood to be stroked… wait she'd never even touched him there let alone stroked him so tenderly.

Ron's eyes flew open. He continued to feel the sweet sensation of a gentle hand gliding up and down his ample shaft.

In his shaky voice he asked 'Myrtle is that you?'  
Sure enough the same bespectacled figure emerged from the water directly in front of him.

'I told you I could help you relax''

'Myrtle this feels so good but it isn't right'

'Would you feel better if I told you that you're more well-endowed than the Potter boy?'

Ron blushed 'At least that's one thing I have over Harry but Myrtle I have a girlfriend and you're dead, I swear this isn't even legal!'

Myrtle moved away from Ron so her robe was sitting just above the water line of the bath.

'That doesn't mean you can't look'

She slowly removed her glasses and placed them in her robe to reveal her dark swirling eyes. She continued to look at Ron as she undid her pigtails and let her lush hair fall over her shoulders.

Ron was transfixed and not sure whether to feel aroused or disgusted in himself. Myrtle was a ghost and only had a 14 year old body and well, she's possibly just as crazy, if not more crazy than Lavender. He was hard and had a feeling he wouldn't have control over himself if she continued to reveal more of her petite body. The underwear section of Witch Weekly made him explode, a girl two metres away from him was too hard to resist.

Myrtle's hands moved to the fastenings on her robe. She undid them one by one, never taking her piercing gaze off Ron. Once she'd undone the fastenings she let her robe descend towards the water. Myrtle was naked beneath her robe. Ron couldn't look away from her shimmering body. Before either of them could make a move Ron heard the door to the bathroom slam shut. Myrtle grabbed her robe sitting on top of the water and plunged back into the bottom of the bath.

Ron looked up.

'Ron, I had no idea you'd be here. You look like you've seen a ghost' said his second best friend Hermione Granger.

Ron stuttered, unable to get the words out.

'I hope you don't mind, I've had a long day of OWL preparation and need a dip to unwind or I'll be kept awake tonight trying to memorise whether it was Hagar the Horrible or Falkor the Ugly who initiated the third Goblin Rebellion. I swear I'll keep to this end of the bath, surely it's big enough for the both of us.'

Ron nodded and stammered 'Sure', fully aware that his erect member would be poking out of the water when the bubbles disappeared and Moaning Myrtle was probably watching his body from below.

'Well turn around and don't tell Lavender. I don't need her calling me a boyfriend stealer as well as a prissy twit'.

Ron turned around so Hermione could undress.

'She really calls you that after all these years?'

'Yes, I figure she's jealous that I'm closer to you that she'll ever be and that I excel in every class except Divination'.

A few seconds passed.

'You can turn around now.'

Hermione was submerged up to her collarbones.

'Are you sure you're alright? You're still quite pale.'

Ron toyed with the idea of telling Hermione about his encounter with Myrtle but knew she would disapprove. He hoped his erection would settle down soon.

'I'm fine, just exhausted from Quidditch Practice.'

'So I walked past the Room of Requirement earlier thinking about finding something to help me relax. I get so worked up around OWL time and I just know McGonagall is going to be expecting us to change a rabbit into a pair of slippers first try. Anyway, I found all these items in there'.

Hermione reached over the edge for her knapsack and took out a turtle shaped item fashioned out of glass, a red triangular plug-like item and a purple item 6 inches long which Ron thought looked very much like what he was hiding under the water.

'What do you think they all are?'

Ron studied the turtle. 'My mum has something like that but it's shaped like a dragon and she gets dad to rub it along her back to massage her, or she enchants it to do the same thing when he's working late.'

'Does it work?' Hermione enquired

'I've never used it. Fred said I'd probably get wandrot if I used something like that of my parents.'

'Here, let me see if it loosens up some of the knots in your back.'

Before Ron could protest Hermione swam to his side of the pool.

'Turn around.'

Ron turned to face the edge of the pool. Hermione ran the turtle legs up, down and across Ron's back, pressing it deep into his knotted muscles. He'd never had any sort of massage since he was a little boy and his mum would rub his back to help him get to sleep.

'How does that feel?'

'Bloody wonderful Hermione. I wish I'd thought to ask the Room of Requirement for this.'

'Do you mind rubbing my back for a bit too?'

'Sure'

Hermione leant against the side of the pool. Ron could see her soft, supple skin glistening in the soapy pool. He brought the turtle up to her back and gently followed the curve in her back down to the top of her buttocks. She let out a sigh. Ron stopped.

'Keep going Ron, it feels so nice. Much better than that Calming Potion your brothers sold me which doesn't seem to have worked. If anything I feel even more pent up.'

Fred and George had a habit of testing out new products on people close to them. Ron wondered if they had given her something not so calming. Ron leant in closer to her body to get more leverage so he could push down harder to relive more tension. He was building up some momentum with his massage when he pressed up against Hermione and poked her in the back with his flesh wand.

'Haven't you ever seen a naked woman Ron?'

Ron in fact hadn't seen a fully naked women until Myrtle exposed herself, then again she wasn't yet a woman, her breasts were only just starting to bud and the hair across her pubic mound hadn't filled in. Ron stammered, unable to get any words out.

'It's ok Ron; I like a man who expresses himself physically. You don't have to say a word', Hermione said as she pushed up against his bulging rod.

'H-H-Hermione we really s-shouldn't be d-doing this'

'Ron you're saying one thing and your body is saying another, clearly betraying your true inner thoughts. Do you really love Lavender? I bet she hasn't even offered to touch your manhood. I hear her and Parvati giggling all night long about romance, weddings and what they're going to name their children. I know what men want and that's sex and passion. I can be your dirty little slut. You don't even have to wear a condom, Fred and George are selling a Contraceptive Potion which can be taken up to 24 hours post consummation'.

Hermione continued to rub herself up and down Ron's shaft until he couldn't take it anymore. He gradually pushed his cock into Hermione's void inch by inch, Hermione taking him deeper with each thrust and bucking against him until he was balls deep inside her. They didn't speak, their bodies moved in a slightly off beat rhythm but they didn't care. This was not Hermione's first sexual encounter and she did not expect Ron to be an expert.

Hermione stopped bucking against Ron and turned around to face him with her back now against the side of the pool. She wrapped her legs around his lower back and put her hands on his face bringing him into a long, feverish kiss. Ron reciprocated and pushed himself back into Hermione, increasing his pace and slamming into her pussy. Hermione brought one of her arms down from Ron's neck and started to touch herself. The combination of Ron's pounding and her fingers touching her clitoris in the exact right way made her breathing more laboured and her sighs more disjointed until she reached climax moaning and twisted herself around the incessantly thrusting Ron. He was almost at breaking point when Hermione came, her pussy contracting to try and force him out but he kept pushing into her ever tightening crevice.

He felt a strange sensation around his buttocks like someone was trying to enter. He kept thrusting into Hermione until he felt something slide into his puckered hole. Initially he stopped. Something small was moving in and out of his ass whilst fondling his hanging scrotum. Ron groaned, he started to thrust with more vigour until her finally burst, warm semen spreading to Hermione's inner depths and dispersing into the bath. They floated deep in thought for a few minutes, still wrapped up in each other.

Hermione untangled herself and stepped out of the pool to dry herself.

'Now I'm relaxed. I'd better go study the seven uses of Thestral hair' she said with a smile.

Ron watched her get dressed whilst he pulled the red butt plug out.

'How did you put this in Hermione?'

She glanced at Ron and then the butt plug.

'Ron that toy and my wand are all the way over there, I couldn't have reached it no matter how hard I tried.'

'Right, never mind.'

Hermione was on too much of a high to question the random butt plug. She left and Ron went back to lying in a pool of his own semen. He knew that he'd have to break it off with Lavender. Now that he'd been sexually awakened there was no going back. Ron lifted himself out of the bath and dried himself. He was about to leave when he heard Myrtle's whiney voice call out

'You can visit my bathroom any time Ron.'

Ron turned to face Myrtle

'I might just do that.'

He then left for Gryffindor Tower. He stumbled into his brother Fred in the corridor.

'Hey brother here's something you might need for later' said Fred handing Ron several condoms.

'Uhh why?'

'Well Won Won we've made quite a bit off of our Calming Potions and we thought we'd swap some of the Calming Potions with a Lust Potion that we've manufactured unbeknownst to the buyer. Of course I only chose fit girls that I'd be happy to bone. Speaking of, I sold one to your mate Granger but I just saw her walking up the corridor all serene. I think we'll have to rejig to recipe.'


End file.
